Moving On Quickly

A few years ago, I had a direct report who looked great on paper. But every 1-on-1 felt like a hostage situation. I spent weeks trying to coach them, months trying to protect them (terrible idea), and far too long avoiding the conversation I knew needed to happen. That experience made me double down on the value of energy-giving relationships — the ones that fuel your curiosity and momentum instead of draining it. Not because you’re obligated, but because you’re genuinely curious. Excited. These people have momentum. They’re growing, taking risks, solving problems. They challenge you to level up — as a person, a friend, a leader. Even when things go sideways, they extract the lesson quickly and keep moving. They’re rare. And when you find them — whether they’re teammates, direct reports, partners, friends, or family — you hold on.

Then there are the others.

The ones you dread meeting with. Where every 1-on-1 starts with a silent sigh. You try to show up curious — maybe you missed something. But you didn’t. Maybe they’re evolving. They’re not. They’ve already told you exactly who they are. Repeatedly. The same grievances. The same excuses. The same victim narratives. They’re not looking for growth. They’re looking for validation that the world’s been unfair.

And that’s when the “hard conversation” starts creeping in.

You already know it’s coming. Hell, you’ve rehearsed it in your head for weeks. But you stall. Because you’re human. And so are they. They’re not malicious — they’re just misaligned. They’re good people, trying their best in a complicated, chaotic world. So you delay. You try to be kind, curious, firm. You offer another chance. Then another. And the discomfort builds.

Until it doesn’t.

Until they embarrass you in front of a key stakeholder. Or drop something vile at a family event. Or trigger a meltdown on a high-stakes call you spent months preparing for. It always feels “sudden.” But it never is. You knew. You just didn’t want to believe it.

Here’s what I’ve learned: misalignment isn’t a crime — but dragging it out is.

Ask yourself: is this relationship getting better or worse? And be honest — stagnation is worse. You don’t need a dramatic explosion to walk away. You just need data. If they’re not growing, not evolving, not meeting you halfway — it’s time.

Move on quickly. You’ll be lighter. Sharper. Happier.

Sometimes the person you really need to let go of… is the version of you that confused patience with leadership. That mistook “one more chance” for compassion. It wasn’t. It was fear wearing a halo.

Time to move on.